Monday, March 9, 2009
Day 79 -- 9 March 2009
I haven't posted for the past couple of days because I haven't been a very good girl. As I admitted in my last post, I already broke my diet and it was only the 2nd day!! I was really bad on Saturday too because we went to another Italian restaurant and I had pasta and lots of bread :o( We ran errands from about 8:30 am until 5 pm and we stopped for a late lunch. I could have been good and gotten a salad but I didn't. To make matters worse, I didn't get on the treadmill Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I did eat well Sunday night though. Shane made salmon and we had brown rice and mixed steamed veggies with it. Granted, the rice isn't allowed in phase 1 of the diet but at least it was a much healthier dinner than Thursday or Saturday. I can't remember for the life of me what we had for dinner Friday night. Something tells me it wasn't very healthy though. I did a good job of following the diet today but I ate a few forbidden foods for dinner. We went out to eat to celebrate my graduation today from TRSi. I did get on the treadmill tonight though and I walked at 2.2 mph and burnt 197 calories. I have to say even though I haven't been following my diet very well the exercise is starting to pay off. When I weighed myself at the beginning of this journey I was 147 pounds. I weighed myself this morning just for giggles and I am down to 145.8. It's not a whole lot I know but at least I have lost a little over a pound :O) Just think what I can do if I keep exercising and actually stick to the diet!!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Day 75 -- 5 March 2009
Well, I didn't exactly stick to my diet today. I did really well for breakfast, my mid-morning snack and lunch but not so much for my mid-afternoon snack or dinner. I wasn't able to eat a mid-afternoon snack because my tummy wasn't cooperating. I guess my body is still adjusting from my galbladder surgery. Thursday night is our "date night" and we always go to this little Mom-and-Pop Italian diner just down the road. I could have had a salad for dinner and not broken the rules of the diet but I didn't. Instead I had cheese bread, pizza and a brownie. I wasn't supposed to have any of it but I just couldn't stomach another salad today because that was what upset my tummy earlier. I figure it didn't really set me back that much considering this was only day 2 of the diet. I'll stick to it tomorrow and if we go for "date night" next week I will get the salad no matter what!!
I got on the treadmill again tonight and walked at 2 mph for an hour. I burnt 187 calories. I am a little disappointed in myself for cheating on the diet today but I also know that working out is just as important as eating well. I figure if I never really comply with the diet completely but at least follow most of the guidelines I will gradually change my eating habits for the better. Shane is going to start the diet with me in April when we have finished all the of the foods that aren't allowed. I figure in the meantime I can do my best to attempt to stick to it and maybe by the time we both officially start, it won't be as hard for me. Hopefully I will be able to offset any slips that I have with exercise :O)
I got on the treadmill again tonight and walked at 2 mph for an hour. I burnt 187 calories. I am a little disappointed in myself for cheating on the diet today but I also know that working out is just as important as eating well. I figure if I never really comply with the diet completely but at least follow most of the guidelines I will gradually change my eating habits for the better. Shane is going to start the diet with me in April when we have finished all the of the foods that aren't allowed. I figure in the meantime I can do my best to attempt to stick to it and maybe by the time we both officially start, it won't be as hard for me. Hopefully I will be able to offset any slips that I have with exercise :O)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Day 74 -- 4 March 2009
I officially stared the South Beach Diet today. I think it went pretty well. It was a bit hard at dinner time because Shane and Mason had pancakes for dinner and I was extremely tempted to join them. I ate chicken and brussel sprouts though like a good girl. I just spent an hour on the treadmill again tonight too and burnt 189 calories. I am about to go and have my dessert which is sugar free orange jello. At least with this diet I am allowed to have dessert! I really want some brownies or some chocolate chip cookies but oh well. Maybe in a few weeks I can splurge and have them but for now I am determined to stick to this diet!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Day 73 -- 3 March 2009
Today has been an exceptionally bad day. I have been in a funk all day long and no matter what I do I just can't seem to shake it. I feel like no one ever listens to what I want but instead just tells me what they think I should do. I quit teaching to be a stay-at-home mom and as far as I am concerned I now have the best job in the world. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and fully intend to go back to the classroom some day. Right now I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be though: at home with my little miracle man. About four months after Mason came home from the NICU Shane started looking for work-from-home opportunities for me. After careful research and much discussion we decided I would take an online course to become a medical transcriptionist. It took me 15 months to complete the course and I came close to quitting several times due to turnover. I had five different instructors within a 10-month timeframe which is pretty sad. Each time I would get frustrated and tell Shane that I wasn't sure I wanted to continue he would say it was my choice and that he would support me. He would also say that he thought I should finish since I had come so far and that if I did so I wouldn't have to work afterwards if I chose not to. I know a big reason that Shane encouraged me to continue is because he has been afraid that I will be unhappy just being a stay-at-home mom. It also probably has something to do with the fact that I am always saying that I feel like I am not contributing to our household because I don't bring in a paycheck. I have put pressure on myself to finish too because of my own expections for myself and because of all the effort that I have put into it. The majority of my family members and friends also encouraged me to finish because I had spent so much time and energy working on the course. The problem is it isn't really something I want to do anymore.
After I became pregnant I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It took us 7 long years to get pregnant and I didn't want to miss a single moment of Maddie and Mason's life. After we lost Maddie I was even more determined to experience as much of Mason's childhood as I possibly could. I feel like I have been unable to really focus on Mason for the past year though because the majority of my time and energy has gone to my medical transcription course. I have been unsuccessful in finding a job so far but to be honest I haven't really tried very hard. Now I have to complete a prep course for the registered medical transcriptionist exam. I don't really want to take the test but again everyone keeps telling me that I should take the test. When did it get to be about what everyone else thinks or wants me to do? When do I get to do what I want to do? All I want to do is be the best wife and mother that I can be. What is so wrong with that? Why does everyone seem to think a woman is incomplete if she does not have a career outside of the home? I have been unhappy for quite some time now and every time I try to find the right path for me so that I can be happy I get sidetracked by others ideas of what should make me happy. I am tired of being unhappy and of having my needs and wants ignored or pused aside. I am tired of living my life for everyone else.
I want to be able to watch Mason grow and focus my energies on being a great mom and not just a mediocre one. I want to have another child and do the same for him/her. I don't want to wake up ten years from now and realize that I missed out on my son's childhood simply because I was doing what was expected of me. Afterall, children are only small once and you can't turn back the clock and recapture what you lost.
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Ok, if you are still reading this I am impressed. I needed to vent earlier and I figured the best way to do so was to just blog. I am feeling much better tonight even though I am still unsure of how to proceed. I am going to go ahead and take the RMT exam because it has already been paid for but I am still not sure if I am actively going to seek employment. If I do decide at a later date to find a job at least I will have the certification test behind me and it will certainly look good on an application. For the time being I am going to continue to concentrate on my family and my health because they are the most important things. I still haven't begun the South Beach Diet because I just didn't feel like going grocery shopping today. I ate fairly well today though considering I actually ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most days I forget to eat breakfast or lunch so that is a step in the right direction! I also got on the treadmill for an hour again tonight and burnt 188 calories. I was going to try to follow the schedule that I outlined about a month ago but plans have changed. I talked to Shane tonight and he said he wants to wait until next month to start P90X so we are in a little better shape which I agree with completely. P90X is a very intense program and it would be extremely unwise for us to start right now. I figured it would be best for me to just walk for an hour each night for the remainder of this month. I am going to continue to walk at 2 mph at zero incline for the rest of this week as well as next week without the heartrate monitor. The remaining two weeks of this month I will start walking with the heartrate monitor and try to bump it up to 2.5 mph. Hopefully by the time we start P90X I will be in a little bit better shape and be able to actually complete the first 30 minutes of each routine. I have to say I am very proud of myself for actually getting on the treadmill again tonight. I didn't really feel like doing so but I will never reach my goals if I continue to make excuses. Let's just hope that I am able to force myself to get back on tomorrow night :O)
After I became pregnant I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It took us 7 long years to get pregnant and I didn't want to miss a single moment of Maddie and Mason's life. After we lost Maddie I was even more determined to experience as much of Mason's childhood as I possibly could. I feel like I have been unable to really focus on Mason for the past year though because the majority of my time and energy has gone to my medical transcription course. I have been unsuccessful in finding a job so far but to be honest I haven't really tried very hard. Now I have to complete a prep course for the registered medical transcriptionist exam. I don't really want to take the test but again everyone keeps telling me that I should take the test. When did it get to be about what everyone else thinks or wants me to do? When do I get to do what I want to do? All I want to do is be the best wife and mother that I can be. What is so wrong with that? Why does everyone seem to think a woman is incomplete if she does not have a career outside of the home? I have been unhappy for quite some time now and every time I try to find the right path for me so that I can be happy I get sidetracked by others ideas of what should make me happy. I am tired of being unhappy and of having my needs and wants ignored or pused aside. I am tired of living my life for everyone else.
I want to be able to watch Mason grow and focus my energies on being a great mom and not just a mediocre one. I want to have another child and do the same for him/her. I don't want to wake up ten years from now and realize that I missed out on my son's childhood simply because I was doing what was expected of me. Afterall, children are only small once and you can't turn back the clock and recapture what you lost.
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Ok, if you are still reading this I am impressed. I needed to vent earlier and I figured the best way to do so was to just blog. I am feeling much better tonight even though I am still unsure of how to proceed. I am going to go ahead and take the RMT exam because it has already been paid for but I am still not sure if I am actively going to seek employment. If I do decide at a later date to find a job at least I will have the certification test behind me and it will certainly look good on an application. For the time being I am going to continue to concentrate on my family and my health because they are the most important things. I still haven't begun the South Beach Diet because I just didn't feel like going grocery shopping today. I ate fairly well today though considering I actually ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most days I forget to eat breakfast or lunch so that is a step in the right direction! I also got on the treadmill for an hour again tonight and burnt 188 calories. I was going to try to follow the schedule that I outlined about a month ago but plans have changed. I talked to Shane tonight and he said he wants to wait until next month to start P90X so we are in a little better shape which I agree with completely. P90X is a very intense program and it would be extremely unwise for us to start right now. I figured it would be best for me to just walk for an hour each night for the remainder of this month. I am going to continue to walk at 2 mph at zero incline for the rest of this week as well as next week without the heartrate monitor. The remaining two weeks of this month I will start walking with the heartrate monitor and try to bump it up to 2.5 mph. Hopefully by the time we start P90X I will be in a little bit better shape and be able to actually complete the first 30 minutes of each routine. I have to say I am very proud of myself for actually getting on the treadmill again tonight. I didn't really feel like doing so but I will never reach my goals if I continue to make excuses. Let's just hope that I am able to force myself to get back on tomorrow night :O)
Monday, March 2, 2009
Day 72 -- 2 March 2009
Well I haven't started the South Beach Diet yet. I had fully intended to start it yesterday but we never made it to the grocery store to get all of the foods that I am allowed to eat for the first two weeks. That was entirely my fault too. We went to Sam's on Saturday to get several things but never made it to the commissary because I convinced Shane to take me to Red Lobster. I knew I didn't need to go but I was so tempted because the restaurant is right near Sam's. I guess I got it out of my system now and I no longer have an excuse. I would have gone grocery shopping today but the commissary is closed on Monday's for restocking. I will be going tomorrow though and starting the diet no matter what!! I know it is going to be very hard at first but I am determined that I am going to be successful.
I did do something right today though because I got on the treadmill again tonight even though I was exhausted and didn't really feel like it. I walked at 2 mph for an hour and burnt 189 calories. Shane said I need to start out slowly since my body is still technically recovering from surgery. I guess I am going to walk for an hour every other day for a few more weeks and then begin my planned schedule of walking for an hour Monday, Wednesday and Friday and running for 20 minutes Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. We are also going to start out slowly with the P90X and the Pilates. We have decided to start P90X next week and to only do the first 30 minutes of each routine. Once we have completed one round of 90 days we will begin again and do the first 45 minutes of each routine. Hopefully by the third round we will be able to complete each routine without too much difficulty. I still haven't figured out how I am going to incorporate the Pilates right now but I think I may wait until we complete the first round of P90X so I am not overdoing it. I know it's not much but at least I have been somewhat consistent with walking on the treadmill so far. I guess I need to start somewhere even if I am starting out really slow. Maybe the slower I polish the more successful I will be at finding that inner diamond :O)
I did do something right today though because I got on the treadmill again tonight even though I was exhausted and didn't really feel like it. I walked at 2 mph for an hour and burnt 189 calories. Shane said I need to start out slowly since my body is still technically recovering from surgery. I guess I am going to walk for an hour every other day for a few more weeks and then begin my planned schedule of walking for an hour Monday, Wednesday and Friday and running for 20 minutes Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. We are also going to start out slowly with the P90X and the Pilates. We have decided to start P90X next week and to only do the first 30 minutes of each routine. Once we have completed one round of 90 days we will begin again and do the first 45 minutes of each routine. Hopefully by the third round we will be able to complete each routine without too much difficulty. I still haven't figured out how I am going to incorporate the Pilates right now but I think I may wait until we complete the first round of P90X so I am not overdoing it. I know it's not much but at least I have been somewhat consistent with walking on the treadmill so far. I guess I need to start somewhere even if I am starting out really slow. Maybe the slower I polish the more successful I will be at finding that inner diamond :O)
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