Monday, June 29, 2009
Day 192 - 29 June 2009
I spent 31 minutes on the Wii Fit today and I also did the Pilates Upper Body workout. That workout is going to be the death of me :O)
Day 187 - 24 June 2009
I didn't do Pilates or get on the treadmill again today but I still got quite a workout. I mowed the lawn first thing this morning, spent 32 minutes on the Wii Fit and took Mason for a long walk. I think it would have been easier if I had just run and done Pilates :O)
Day 186 - 23 June 2009
I got my workout from the Wii Fit today. I “worked out” for 35 minutes. I did the Hoola Hoop activity several times and my legs are FRIED!! I never knew exercise could be so much fun :O)
Day 180 - 18 June 2009
I did 3 miles on the treadmill tonight. I walked for 40 minutes, ran for 20 minutes and burnt 320 calories. I also did Pilates Lower Body workout. My legs are toast but I like it :O)
Day 179 - 17 June 2009
I didn't do much in the way of working out today but I did do Wii Fit for 11 minutes. I have officially lost 4 pounds now! Only 10 more to go to reach my goal of losing 14 pounds by my birthday!!
Day 178 - 16 June 2009
I completed the 20 minute Pilates workout as well as my treadmill workout tonight. I walked for 40 minutes and ran for 20 minutes and burnt 320 calories.
Day 173 - 11 June 2009
I did another 3.1 miles on the treadmill tonight. I walked for 40 minutes and ran for 20 and burnt 322 calories. I also did Wii Fit for 11 minutes. I have officially lost 2 pounds so far. Only 12 more to go to reach my goal of losing 14 pounds by my birthday!!
Day 171 - 9 June 2009
I didn't get on the treadmill tonight but I did do the 20 minute Pilates workout. I also tried a few activities on the Wii Fit and that was a workout in and of itself. Surprisingly those activities are quite challenging :O)
Day 170 - 8 June 2009
I completed 3.1 miles on the treadmill today. I walked for 40 minutes and ran for 20 minutes and burnt 322 calories. I also did the 20 minute Pilates workout. Go me!!
Day 166 - 4 June 2009
I am no longer allowed to take a day off! I decided to take a day off from working out and I wound up taking 5!! Now all the progress that I made has been lost. I am going to get cracking again today though and I will reach my goal!!
Day 161 - 29 May 2009
Completed the twenty minute Pilates workout and twenty minutes on the treadmill. I ran 1.4 miles and burnt 131 calories.
Day 160 - 28 May 2009
Mission accomplished again today: Twenty minute Pilates workout - check. Twenty minutes on the treadmill - check. I ran 1.3 miles and burnt 119 calories!
Day 159 - 27 May 2009
Mission accomplished: Twenty minute Pilates workout - check. Twenty minutes on the treadmill - check. I ran 1.3 miles and burnt 107 calories.
Day 156 - 24 May 2009
I completed the 20 minute Pilates workout again today and I also got on the treadmill. I didn't write down the speed or the distance or the number of calories this time though which is quite disappointing. I guess I need to do a better job!
Day 150 - 19 May 2009
My husband and I did the 20 minute Windsor Pilates workout this morning. Mari Windsor kicked my butt!! I am looking forward to seeing the results of all that hard work :O)
Day 144 - 13 May 2009
I walked for 50 minutes at 2.7 mph and burnt 246 calories and then ran for 10 minutes at 4.0 mph and burnt 63 more calories.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Day 136 - 5 May 2009
I had to take a break from working out for a bit because my doc put me on a beta-blocker to try to prevent migraine and tension headaches. I was only on it for about 3 days though because it caused me to have chest pains due to the fact that it was aggrivating my acid reflux. The doc advised me to take it easy for a few days because it can put strain on your heart when you stop taking a blood pressure medicine like that. I was going to get back in the saddle again last Friday but I have to admit I have been lazy. I made myself get on the treadmill tonight though because I have set a goal for myself. I will be turning 33 in exactly 2 months and I am bound and determined that I am going to be 20 pounds lighter by then!! Tonight I walked 2.7 miles and burnt 276 calories. I would have done more but I accidentally snagged my finger on the emergency switch and messed up my workout. UUUGGGHHH! I will do a better job tomorrow night and I am also going to add in Pilates at some point tomorrow with or without my husband who has agreed to do it with me :O)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Day 123 -- 22 April 2009
I am pretty sure that I got on the treadmill on Monday but for the life of me I can't remember how many calories I burnt. I did get on tonight though but I didn't burn as many calories as normal. I walked for about 5 minutes and then decided to try to do cardio instead of fat burn. It didn't last long though because I wound up getting shin splints. I got off the treadmill and did some stretching to try to work it out and then I got back on to do my usual walk. I was still hurting pretty bad though and decided it would be better to just take the night off and start fresh again tomorrow. All totaled I walked about a mile and burnt about 120 calories.
Day 116 - 15 April 2009
I must confess that I have been slacking off for the past 5 days. I took my RMT (registered medical transcriptionist) Exam on Friday and I didn't pass it so I was a bit discouraged for a few days. I worked really hard to finish my MT course so I could work from home and now it seems like that won't ever happen. I have come to terms with the fact that I was obviously not meant to do so. I am going to enjoy the years that I have to stay home with my son and be the best stay-at-home Mommy that I can be to him. In order to do that though I need to get my butt back in shape so I got back in the saddle again tonight!! I walked 2.8 miles and burnt 311 calories. Shane and I are going to start doing Pilates in a few weeks and after we have done that for about a month we are going to take on P90X again. Hopefully by August I will be in the best shape of my life :O)
Day 110 -- 9 April 2009
Tonight I walked 2.7 miles and burnt 309 calories. I haven't mentioned the incline before but I figured for documentation purposes I probably should. I started out walking at an incline of 2.0 and have gradually bumped it up to 3.0.
Day 109 -- 8 April 2009
Tonight I walked 2.7 miles and burnt 293 calories. I have been discouraged this week that when I step on the scale on a weekly basis that the number is not decreasing. I decided to measure myself with the measuring tape to see if I had actually made any progress. I was ecstatic to see that I have lost a total of 2.75 inches so far!! I just need to stick to my guns and be patient and I know I will reach my goal :O)
Day 82 -- 12 March 2009
Tonight I walked 2.5 miles and burnt 203 calories. I am determined to continue exercising. I know changing my diet would help out a lot too but I just haven't been able to do so yet. If I could get my husband to join me it would be so much easier. It is so hard to eat right when I see him eating all the things I'm not supposed to eat!! I need to stop using that as an excuse though :O)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Day 79 -- 9 March 2009
I haven't posted for the past couple of days because I haven't been a very good girl. As I admitted in my last post, I already broke my diet and it was only the 2nd day!! I was really bad on Saturday too because we went to another Italian restaurant and I had pasta and lots of bread :o( We ran errands from about 8:30 am until 5 pm and we stopped for a late lunch. I could have been good and gotten a salad but I didn't. To make matters worse, I didn't get on the treadmill Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I did eat well Sunday night though. Shane made salmon and we had brown rice and mixed steamed veggies with it. Granted, the rice isn't allowed in phase 1 of the diet but at least it was a much healthier dinner than Thursday or Saturday. I can't remember for the life of me what we had for dinner Friday night. Something tells me it wasn't very healthy though. I did a good job of following the diet today but I ate a few forbidden foods for dinner. We went out to eat to celebrate my graduation today from TRSi. I did get on the treadmill tonight though and I walked at 2.2 mph and burnt 197 calories. I have to say even though I haven't been following my diet very well the exercise is starting to pay off. When I weighed myself at the beginning of this journey I was 147 pounds. I weighed myself this morning just for giggles and I am down to 145.8. It's not a whole lot I know but at least I have lost a little over a pound :O) Just think what I can do if I keep exercising and actually stick to the diet!!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Day 75 -- 5 March 2009
Well, I didn't exactly stick to my diet today. I did really well for breakfast, my mid-morning snack and lunch but not so much for my mid-afternoon snack or dinner. I wasn't able to eat a mid-afternoon snack because my tummy wasn't cooperating. I guess my body is still adjusting from my galbladder surgery. Thursday night is our "date night" and we always go to this little Mom-and-Pop Italian diner just down the road. I could have had a salad for dinner and not broken the rules of the diet but I didn't. Instead I had cheese bread, pizza and a brownie. I wasn't supposed to have any of it but I just couldn't stomach another salad today because that was what upset my tummy earlier. I figure it didn't really set me back that much considering this was only day 2 of the diet. I'll stick to it tomorrow and if we go for "date night" next week I will get the salad no matter what!!
I got on the treadmill again tonight and walked at 2 mph for an hour. I burnt 187 calories. I am a little disappointed in myself for cheating on the diet today but I also know that working out is just as important as eating well. I figure if I never really comply with the diet completely but at least follow most of the guidelines I will gradually change my eating habits for the better. Shane is going to start the diet with me in April when we have finished all the of the foods that aren't allowed. I figure in the meantime I can do my best to attempt to stick to it and maybe by the time we both officially start, it won't be as hard for me. Hopefully I will be able to offset any slips that I have with exercise :O)
I got on the treadmill again tonight and walked at 2 mph for an hour. I burnt 187 calories. I am a little disappointed in myself for cheating on the diet today but I also know that working out is just as important as eating well. I figure if I never really comply with the diet completely but at least follow most of the guidelines I will gradually change my eating habits for the better. Shane is going to start the diet with me in April when we have finished all the of the foods that aren't allowed. I figure in the meantime I can do my best to attempt to stick to it and maybe by the time we both officially start, it won't be as hard for me. Hopefully I will be able to offset any slips that I have with exercise :O)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Day 74 -- 4 March 2009
I officially stared the South Beach Diet today. I think it went pretty well. It was a bit hard at dinner time because Shane and Mason had pancakes for dinner and I was extremely tempted to join them. I ate chicken and brussel sprouts though like a good girl. I just spent an hour on the treadmill again tonight too and burnt 189 calories. I am about to go and have my dessert which is sugar free orange jello. At least with this diet I am allowed to have dessert! I really want some brownies or some chocolate chip cookies but oh well. Maybe in a few weeks I can splurge and have them but for now I am determined to stick to this diet!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Day 73 -- 3 March 2009
Today has been an exceptionally bad day. I have been in a funk all day long and no matter what I do I just can't seem to shake it. I feel like no one ever listens to what I want but instead just tells me what they think I should do. I quit teaching to be a stay-at-home mom and as far as I am concerned I now have the best job in the world. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and fully intend to go back to the classroom some day. Right now I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be though: at home with my little miracle man. About four months after Mason came home from the NICU Shane started looking for work-from-home opportunities for me. After careful research and much discussion we decided I would take an online course to become a medical transcriptionist. It took me 15 months to complete the course and I came close to quitting several times due to turnover. I had five different instructors within a 10-month timeframe which is pretty sad. Each time I would get frustrated and tell Shane that I wasn't sure I wanted to continue he would say it was my choice and that he would support me. He would also say that he thought I should finish since I had come so far and that if I did so I wouldn't have to work afterwards if I chose not to. I know a big reason that Shane encouraged me to continue is because he has been afraid that I will be unhappy just being a stay-at-home mom. It also probably has something to do with the fact that I am always saying that I feel like I am not contributing to our household because I don't bring in a paycheck. I have put pressure on myself to finish too because of my own expections for myself and because of all the effort that I have put into it. The majority of my family members and friends also encouraged me to finish because I had spent so much time and energy working on the course. The problem is it isn't really something I want to do anymore.
After I became pregnant I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It took us 7 long years to get pregnant and I didn't want to miss a single moment of Maddie and Mason's life. After we lost Maddie I was even more determined to experience as much of Mason's childhood as I possibly could. I feel like I have been unable to really focus on Mason for the past year though because the majority of my time and energy has gone to my medical transcription course. I have been unsuccessful in finding a job so far but to be honest I haven't really tried very hard. Now I have to complete a prep course for the registered medical transcriptionist exam. I don't really want to take the test but again everyone keeps telling me that I should take the test. When did it get to be about what everyone else thinks or wants me to do? When do I get to do what I want to do? All I want to do is be the best wife and mother that I can be. What is so wrong with that? Why does everyone seem to think a woman is incomplete if she does not have a career outside of the home? I have been unhappy for quite some time now and every time I try to find the right path for me so that I can be happy I get sidetracked by others ideas of what should make me happy. I am tired of being unhappy and of having my needs and wants ignored or pused aside. I am tired of living my life for everyone else.
I want to be able to watch Mason grow and focus my energies on being a great mom and not just a mediocre one. I want to have another child and do the same for him/her. I don't want to wake up ten years from now and realize that I missed out on my son's childhood simply because I was doing what was expected of me. Afterall, children are only small once and you can't turn back the clock and recapture what you lost.
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Ok, if you are still reading this I am impressed. I needed to vent earlier and I figured the best way to do so was to just blog. I am feeling much better tonight even though I am still unsure of how to proceed. I am going to go ahead and take the RMT exam because it has already been paid for but I am still not sure if I am actively going to seek employment. If I do decide at a later date to find a job at least I will have the certification test behind me and it will certainly look good on an application. For the time being I am going to continue to concentrate on my family and my health because they are the most important things. I still haven't begun the South Beach Diet because I just didn't feel like going grocery shopping today. I ate fairly well today though considering I actually ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most days I forget to eat breakfast or lunch so that is a step in the right direction! I also got on the treadmill for an hour again tonight and burnt 188 calories. I was going to try to follow the schedule that I outlined about a month ago but plans have changed. I talked to Shane tonight and he said he wants to wait until next month to start P90X so we are in a little better shape which I agree with completely. P90X is a very intense program and it would be extremely unwise for us to start right now. I figured it would be best for me to just walk for an hour each night for the remainder of this month. I am going to continue to walk at 2 mph at zero incline for the rest of this week as well as next week without the heartrate monitor. The remaining two weeks of this month I will start walking with the heartrate monitor and try to bump it up to 2.5 mph. Hopefully by the time we start P90X I will be in a little bit better shape and be able to actually complete the first 30 minutes of each routine. I have to say I am very proud of myself for actually getting on the treadmill again tonight. I didn't really feel like doing so but I will never reach my goals if I continue to make excuses. Let's just hope that I am able to force myself to get back on tomorrow night :O)
After I became pregnant I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It took us 7 long years to get pregnant and I didn't want to miss a single moment of Maddie and Mason's life. After we lost Maddie I was even more determined to experience as much of Mason's childhood as I possibly could. I feel like I have been unable to really focus on Mason for the past year though because the majority of my time and energy has gone to my medical transcription course. I have been unsuccessful in finding a job so far but to be honest I haven't really tried very hard. Now I have to complete a prep course for the registered medical transcriptionist exam. I don't really want to take the test but again everyone keeps telling me that I should take the test. When did it get to be about what everyone else thinks or wants me to do? When do I get to do what I want to do? All I want to do is be the best wife and mother that I can be. What is so wrong with that? Why does everyone seem to think a woman is incomplete if she does not have a career outside of the home? I have been unhappy for quite some time now and every time I try to find the right path for me so that I can be happy I get sidetracked by others ideas of what should make me happy. I am tired of being unhappy and of having my needs and wants ignored or pused aside. I am tired of living my life for everyone else.
I want to be able to watch Mason grow and focus my energies on being a great mom and not just a mediocre one. I want to have another child and do the same for him/her. I don't want to wake up ten years from now and realize that I missed out on my son's childhood simply because I was doing what was expected of me. Afterall, children are only small once and you can't turn back the clock and recapture what you lost.
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Ok, if you are still reading this I am impressed. I needed to vent earlier and I figured the best way to do so was to just blog. I am feeling much better tonight even though I am still unsure of how to proceed. I am going to go ahead and take the RMT exam because it has already been paid for but I am still not sure if I am actively going to seek employment. If I do decide at a later date to find a job at least I will have the certification test behind me and it will certainly look good on an application. For the time being I am going to continue to concentrate on my family and my health because they are the most important things. I still haven't begun the South Beach Diet because I just didn't feel like going grocery shopping today. I ate fairly well today though considering I actually ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most days I forget to eat breakfast or lunch so that is a step in the right direction! I also got on the treadmill for an hour again tonight and burnt 188 calories. I was going to try to follow the schedule that I outlined about a month ago but plans have changed. I talked to Shane tonight and he said he wants to wait until next month to start P90X so we are in a little better shape which I agree with completely. P90X is a very intense program and it would be extremely unwise for us to start right now. I figured it would be best for me to just walk for an hour each night for the remainder of this month. I am going to continue to walk at 2 mph at zero incline for the rest of this week as well as next week without the heartrate monitor. The remaining two weeks of this month I will start walking with the heartrate monitor and try to bump it up to 2.5 mph. Hopefully by the time we start P90X I will be in a little bit better shape and be able to actually complete the first 30 minutes of each routine. I have to say I am very proud of myself for actually getting on the treadmill again tonight. I didn't really feel like doing so but I will never reach my goals if I continue to make excuses. Let's just hope that I am able to force myself to get back on tomorrow night :O)
Monday, March 2, 2009
Day 72 -- 2 March 2009
Well I haven't started the South Beach Diet yet. I had fully intended to start it yesterday but we never made it to the grocery store to get all of the foods that I am allowed to eat for the first two weeks. That was entirely my fault too. We went to Sam's on Saturday to get several things but never made it to the commissary because I convinced Shane to take me to Red Lobster. I knew I didn't need to go but I was so tempted because the restaurant is right near Sam's. I guess I got it out of my system now and I no longer have an excuse. I would have gone grocery shopping today but the commissary is closed on Monday's for restocking. I will be going tomorrow though and starting the diet no matter what!! I know it is going to be very hard at first but I am determined that I am going to be successful.
I did do something right today though because I got on the treadmill again tonight even though I was exhausted and didn't really feel like it. I walked at 2 mph for an hour and burnt 189 calories. Shane said I need to start out slowly since my body is still technically recovering from surgery. I guess I am going to walk for an hour every other day for a few more weeks and then begin my planned schedule of walking for an hour Monday, Wednesday and Friday and running for 20 minutes Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. We are also going to start out slowly with the P90X and the Pilates. We have decided to start P90X next week and to only do the first 30 minutes of each routine. Once we have completed one round of 90 days we will begin again and do the first 45 minutes of each routine. Hopefully by the third round we will be able to complete each routine without too much difficulty. I still haven't figured out how I am going to incorporate the Pilates right now but I think I may wait until we complete the first round of P90X so I am not overdoing it. I know it's not much but at least I have been somewhat consistent with walking on the treadmill so far. I guess I need to start somewhere even if I am starting out really slow. Maybe the slower I polish the more successful I will be at finding that inner diamond :O)
I did do something right today though because I got on the treadmill again tonight even though I was exhausted and didn't really feel like it. I walked at 2 mph for an hour and burnt 189 calories. Shane said I need to start out slowly since my body is still technically recovering from surgery. I guess I am going to walk for an hour every other day for a few more weeks and then begin my planned schedule of walking for an hour Monday, Wednesday and Friday and running for 20 minutes Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. We are also going to start out slowly with the P90X and the Pilates. We have decided to start P90X next week and to only do the first 30 minutes of each routine. Once we have completed one round of 90 days we will begin again and do the first 45 minutes of each routine. Hopefully by the third round we will be able to complete each routine without too much difficulty. I still haven't figured out how I am going to incorporate the Pilates right now but I think I may wait until we complete the first round of P90X so I am not overdoing it. I know it's not much but at least I have been somewhat consistent with walking on the treadmill so far. I guess I need to start somewhere even if I am starting out really slow. Maybe the slower I polish the more successful I will be at finding that inner diamond :O)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Day 70 -- 28 February 2009
I did a bit of clothes shopping today and I have to say that I am a bit ticked off. I understand that I am 32 and that my body is no where near as fit as it was when I was 18, but I don't believe I should be in an XL!! What is with all the sizing these days? I have heard the term vanity sizing used in the past decade or so but I don't think that term even comes close to describing what I experienced today. I have never had to wear an XL and today that is exactly what size I had to buy when I chose a few new t-shirts. I swear the XS should have been in the toddler section!! Society needs to get a grip. Not everyone should be a triple zero for crying out loud. The thing that really worries me is that we are sending the wrong message to teenage girls. Yes it is good to be fit and healthy, but not anorexic. I was a size 3 when I was 18 and frankly I looked gross!! It scares me to think what girls are doing to themselves just so they can fit into those double zero jeans or that XS t-shirt. We need to stop catering to the archaic ideals out there that a woman is supposed to be a 36 - 24- 36. Sizing needs to be more realistic. I would be willing to bet if I compared my new XL t-shirts to a small or medium from just 5 years ago that they would be almost identicle in size. I think it is time that we as a society make some changes and start excepting that it is actually healthy for a woman to have some meat on her bones!! We need to stop catering to the ultra skinny and start embracing "real" women!!
Ok, now that I have gone off on my tirade, I am proud to report that I actually got on the treadmill again tonight. That's twice in 1 week. WOO HOO!! Anyway, I spent an hour on the treadmill and burnt 187 calories. Tomorrow I start phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. I intend to stick to it no matter how hard it is to give up some of my favorite foods for 2 weeks and to continue working out on a daily basis. I am bound and determined that by the time I turn 33 I will be partially polished :O)
Ok, now that I have gone off on my tirade, I am proud to report that I actually got on the treadmill again tonight. That's twice in 1 week. WOO HOO!! Anyway, I spent an hour on the treadmill and burnt 187 calories. Tomorrow I start phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. I intend to stick to it no matter how hard it is to give up some of my favorite foods for 2 weeks and to continue working out on a daily basis. I am bound and determined that by the time I turn 33 I will be partially polished :O)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Day 65 -- 23 February 2009
I actually got on the treadmill tonight!! I walked for an hour at 2 mph and burnt 192 calories. I am a bit sore since I haven't exercised in so long but that is to be expected. I decided to start out slow and not worry about target heart rate right now. I am going to contiue at this pace for the remainder of the week and then bump it up to 2.1 mph next week. I plan to do so each week for about a month or so and then shoot for my target heart rate and really get serious. I also plan to start doing situps, pushups, squats and pullups next week. I have to take it really slow on the situps though because my tummy is really sore due to the fact that the mucles are so weak right now. Hopefully they will get stretched and strengthened a bit in the coming days now that I am allowed to pick up and carry my little man again :O)
I have also decided to start the South Beach Diet. Shane and I have been talking about changing our eating habits for quite some time now and I think the South Beach Diet is just the thing we need to get us back on track. We plan to start on Sunday so I will start logging my meals again starting then. I am bound and determined that by the time I turn 33 in about 4 months I will be well on my way to being healthy and happier :O)
I have also decided to start the South Beach Diet. Shane and I have been talking about changing our eating habits for quite some time now and I think the South Beach Diet is just the thing we need to get us back on track. We plan to start on Sunday so I will start logging my meals again starting then. I am bound and determined that by the time I turn 33 in about 4 months I will be well on my way to being healthy and happier :O)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Day 61 -- 19 February 2009
Tomorrow I can officially start working out again . Woo Hoo!! I am so ready to shed this extra weight and begin my transformation, however, it occured to me the other night that in addition to polishing the outside, I also need to do quite a bit of polishing on the inside.
I started counseling a few months ago to try to work through my grief concerning the loss of my daughter Madelynn. I can honestly say I have not gotten any closer to accepting her death than I was before I started counseling. No matter how many times my husband, or anyone else for that matter, tells me that I am not to blame for Madelynn and Mason's premature birth, I still feel responsible. I still have days where I have a hard time functioning because I am overcome with grief. I grieve not only for Maddie but also for her twin brother Mason because he will never have the chance to truly know his sister. I would not trade Mason for the world but watching him grow is bittersweet. My husband and I often wonder if Maddie's smile would be similar to Mason's or if she would have the same laugh. I guess we will never know.
I also struggle with the loss of a "normal" pregnancy. Most women take it for granted that they are able to conceive naturally and carry a baby to term. For me that is not the case. I wasn't even aware that I was grieving the loss of my pregnancy until I began counseling. A big part of my wanting to lose weight and get in shape though is so that my body will be better equipped for pregnany. I need to find a way to deal with my grief so that my husband and I can look to the future and have another child. I don't want to constantly be afraid of trying for another baby and I certainly don't want to cause any complications in a subsequent pregnancy due to grief or stress.
I have a few more personal issues to deal with as well and I know that even if I reach my weight loss goals, I will never truly be the "diamond" that I would like to be unless I do so. I truly believe that in addition to continuing counseling, the key to polishing the inside lies with God. Over the years I have had a pretty rocky relationship with God. I am ashamed to admit that at times I have turned my back on him. About a year before we got pregnant with the twins though my husband and I were fortunate enough to find a wonderful church family. I was able to renew my relationship with God and it truly changed my life. Since moving to Nebraska we have struggled with finding a new church family and therefore my relationship with God has once again been put on the back burner. Starting this weekend I am going to stop making excuses not to go to church and begin renewing my relationship with God again.
I guess this week is going to be the turning point in my life! I am looking forward shining not only on the outside but on the inside as well :O)
I started counseling a few months ago to try to work through my grief concerning the loss of my daughter Madelynn. I can honestly say I have not gotten any closer to accepting her death than I was before I started counseling. No matter how many times my husband, or anyone else for that matter, tells me that I am not to blame for Madelynn and Mason's premature birth, I still feel responsible. I still have days where I have a hard time functioning because I am overcome with grief. I grieve not only for Maddie but also for her twin brother Mason because he will never have the chance to truly know his sister. I would not trade Mason for the world but watching him grow is bittersweet. My husband and I often wonder if Maddie's smile would be similar to Mason's or if she would have the same laugh. I guess we will never know.
I also struggle with the loss of a "normal" pregnancy. Most women take it for granted that they are able to conceive naturally and carry a baby to term. For me that is not the case. I wasn't even aware that I was grieving the loss of my pregnancy until I began counseling. A big part of my wanting to lose weight and get in shape though is so that my body will be better equipped for pregnany. I need to find a way to deal with my grief so that my husband and I can look to the future and have another child. I don't want to constantly be afraid of trying for another baby and I certainly don't want to cause any complications in a subsequent pregnancy due to grief or stress.
I have a few more personal issues to deal with as well and I know that even if I reach my weight loss goals, I will never truly be the "diamond" that I would like to be unless I do so. I truly believe that in addition to continuing counseling, the key to polishing the inside lies with God. Over the years I have had a pretty rocky relationship with God. I am ashamed to admit that at times I have turned my back on him. About a year before we got pregnant with the twins though my husband and I were fortunate enough to find a wonderful church family. I was able to renew my relationship with God and it truly changed my life. Since moving to Nebraska we have struggled with finding a new church family and therefore my relationship with God has once again been put on the back burner. Starting this weekend I am going to stop making excuses not to go to church and begin renewing my relationship with God again.
I guess this week is going to be the turning point in my life! I am looking forward shining not only on the outside but on the inside as well :O)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Day 23 -- 12 January 2009
Well, I am ashamed to admit that I haven't gotten on the treadmill since my last post. I have had very good intentions but I just never seem to find the time. I keep using that as an excuse when I know full well that I could have gotten on the treadmill today while I was watching the episodes of Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters that I DVRed last night. I need to quit making excuses and just get on the treadmill. I didn't DVR any shows tonight because none of the shows that I watch were on. I am going to make myself a promise right now though that tomorrow, come hell or high water, I will get on that treadmill.
I have been trying to make healthier food choices and cutting back on my portion sizes too. I know that exercise alone is not going to help me get healthy again. It is going to be very interesting to see what I can and can't eat any longer after my surgery. I have already had to give up ice cream because it causes me to have a gallbladder attack. I don't want to completely give up the foods I love because then all I will crave is what I am not supposed to eat. I need to adopt the "everything in moderation" concept and I should be just fine. If I am able to eat ice cream again in a few weeks without having to suffer the consequences then I will just have to spend an extra 30 minutes or so on the treadmill. Speaking of which, even though I will have to take a break from exercises for a few weeks until I am cleared by my doc I am going to list the workout program that I plan to follow so that I can hold myself accountable:
Monday - Treadmill - Fat Burn - Walk for 1 hour
P90X Chest & Back & Ab Ripper
Tuesday - Treadmill - Cardio - Run for 30 minutes
Windsor Pilates
Wednesday - Treadmill - Fat Burn - Walk for 1 hour
P90X Shoulders & Arms & Ab Ripper
Thursday - Treadmill - Cardio - Run for 30 minutes
Windsor Pilates
Friday - Treadmill - Fat Burn - Walk for 1 hour
P90X Legs & Back & Ab Ripper
Saturday - P90X Kenpo
Windsor Pilates
Sunday - P90X Yoga
Last but not least, I finally got my husband to take some before pictures.
I have been trying to make healthier food choices and cutting back on my portion sizes too. I know that exercise alone is not going to help me get healthy again. It is going to be very interesting to see what I can and can't eat any longer after my surgery. I have already had to give up ice cream because it causes me to have a gallbladder attack. I don't want to completely give up the foods I love because then all I will crave is what I am not supposed to eat. I need to adopt the "everything in moderation" concept and I should be just fine. If I am able to eat ice cream again in a few weeks without having to suffer the consequences then I will just have to spend an extra 30 minutes or so on the treadmill. Speaking of which, even though I will have to take a break from exercises for a few weeks until I am cleared by my doc I am going to list the workout program that I plan to follow so that I can hold myself accountable:
Monday - Treadmill - Fat Burn - Walk for 1 hour
P90X Chest & Back & Ab Ripper
Tuesday - Treadmill - Cardio - Run for 30 minutes
Windsor Pilates
Wednesday - Treadmill - Fat Burn - Walk for 1 hour
P90X Shoulders & Arms & Ab Ripper
Thursday - Treadmill - Cardio - Run for 30 minutes
Windsor Pilates
Friday - Treadmill - Fat Burn - Walk for 1 hour
P90X Legs & Back & Ab Ripper
Saturday - P90X Kenpo
Windsor Pilates
Sunday - P90X Yoga
Last but not least, I finally got my husband to take some before pictures.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Day 20 -- 9 Jan 2009
So obviously I got off track with the holidays and all. I have gotten on the treadmill twice since my last post but I certainly have not been very consistent with it. My eating habits have left a lot to be desired as well. That is all going to change very soon though because I will be having my gallbladder removed in just 12 days. I have been having trouble with certain foods for a while now but I'm sure it is just going to get worse before it gets better once I have the surgery. I don't know how long it will be before I am able to start working out again either. I know that I will not be able to lift more than 5 pounds for a month, but I am hoping that after I go for my postop check on February 4th my doc will clear me to at least walk on the treadmill. I will have more time to focus on myself after the surgery too because I will finally be done with the Medical Transcription course that I have been working on for 15 months.
I am not making a New Year's resolution because no one ever sticks to them. I am going to make a promise to myself though to focus on getting healthy. Yes, I need to lose between 25 and 30 pounds and firm up all of my problems areas, but more importantly I need to improve my cardiovascular and digestive health. Losing the weight and looking better will just be an added bonus! I know I said I was going to post a before pic but I just haven't found the time to have my husband take one yet. He has been working a crazy schedule and we had family in town for the New Year. We are in for the night though and I don't have any more excuses, so I will have him take the pic in a little while and either post it tonight or tomorrow.
I am not making a New Year's resolution because no one ever sticks to them. I am going to make a promise to myself though to focus on getting healthy. Yes, I need to lose between 25 and 30 pounds and firm up all of my problems areas, but more importantly I need to improve my cardiovascular and digestive health. Losing the weight and looking better will just be an added bonus! I know I said I was going to post a before pic but I just haven't found the time to have my husband take one yet. He has been working a crazy schedule and we had family in town for the New Year. We are in for the night though and I don't have any more excuses, so I will have him take the pic in a little while and either post it tonight or tomorrow.
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